There’s a little girl inside me — she’s about five or six — and she’s still hopeful. I can see her clearly: cute, bright-eyed, open-hearted. She hasn’t learned yet that life can turn on a dime and fall apart. She hasn’t absorbed the chaos or confusion. She still believes good things are possible.
But a few years later, around age ten, everything shifted. My parents divorced, and the ground underneath me split open. The resentment, the anger, the emotional fallout — all of it landed right on top of me. That was the moment, I think, when a seed was planted:
- “Maybe good things aren’t for me.”
- Not because I did anything wrong.
- Not because I wasn’t worthy.
- But because the adults around me didn’t have the emotional tools to protect me from their own storms.
And that belief stuck. It grew roots. Even now, as a grown woman who knows better, who has lived and learned and healed so much… there is still a part of me who hesitates. A part who is doubtful, who flinches at the idea that I could deserve peace or joy or stability.
But here’s the truth: I do deserve good things. We ALL do!! And I’m finally learning what that actually means.
Today, “deserving good things” looks like wanting a calm environment — one that supports who I am now and who I’m becoming. It means allowing myself to believe I’m confident, creative, and kind. Capable of building a life that fits me, truly fits me, day to day.
On the days I feel deserving, I speak to myself with pride and love and grace — all the things I rarely received as a child. And honestly? It feels good. It feels real. It feels like home.
But the younger version of me doesn’t quite trust it yet. She watches from the corner, cautious, unsure. She needs reassurance. She needs consistency. She needs a voice that doesn’t waver.
And today, that voice comes from two places:
Me. And my husband — the one solid, steady presence I’ve had for many years. He’s the only person who has shown up for me day in and day out, without fail. He’s the one I can ask, without shame: “Can you tell me I deserve good things today?” Because she — that younger, hopeful girl — needs to hear it from someone safe. It does come down to safety, if you can’t have someone safe to confide in your life, it’s very hard to heal.
What I want for her now is simple:
- More rest.
- More grace.
- More calm.
- Less chaos.
- More gentle self-talk.
- More freedom to choose what feels right.
- And a nervous system that finally, finally gets to breathe.
Maybe that’s the real heart of all this: giving myself the things I never received but always needed. Letting the little girl inside me feel safe, supported, and worthy. Letting her know it’s okay to want good things — and it’s okay to receive them.
Because she does deserve good things. She always did. And now, I’m learning to believe it, too.
“Maybe the real work is letting the younger version of me finally hear the words she never got: you deserve good things, always.”
-Me
